So I haven’t written in a while because I’ve been on holiday and basically within the space of a week, I have received several bombshells. I am still trying to get my head around them all. My head is trying to compute and rationalise all the different things that have happened to me. My heads feels crammed and everything is surreal. I feel I’m floating by, looking in at things that are happening but I literally don’t know how to react properly. I feel robotic, on auto pilot.
I also realised I’m a bit of an asshole. I spent the previous week in Germany, drinking my head off. It was for the most part fun but there was one particularly messy night that I care not to think about. So yeah obviously alcohol does tend to increase people’s asshole tendencies. I was drinking away and got pissy over some of the things a friend of my mine was doing so I became a complete and utter bitch. I said and did things I would never usually do and was generally mean. Granted she has never being particularly supportive towards me and is extremely fake but I just blew it up and used it as an excuse to be an asshole. She wasn’t there, thank God but I did say incredibly bitchy things about her, I laughed at her and I showed unflattering pictures of her to people. I shocked myself as I saw myself from the outside and I didn’t like it.
I felt that I was within my rights to say and do bitchy things because she was herself a bitch to me. I got angry and lashed out. In doing that I became a person that I didn’t like. I have now resolved to rectify this, to not go all bitch crazy just because a person says boo to me.